Sunday, 2 January 2011

The Two Thousand and Eleven Traffic

James Lisadro Jnr's debut at

The present season is preparing to transform, clearing the stage for a new year and anticipating the lunar change. As harmattan struggled to kill the ink that penned this piece, I recalled that in other places like the UK, Canada and USA, friends are paying somebody, something or some firm, to remain unfrozen. Owners of coffee cafés, tea shops and sizzling foods smile each night when a trial balance of the day’s business is drafted. It’s their season to enjoy escalating patronage. This is the time when, if they are as nice as the heater appliance companies, they offer fringe benefits to their apparently hardworking employees. But when such businesses experience a loss in a favourable season like this, the action movie effect happens. Meaning that people get fired! So there is no need for questions when you see all heat-energy-production-related firms suddenly become more innovative, offering you more than you’ve ever asked for. They are simply preparing for change. They are just maximising current opportunities and utilizing business instincts favoured by weather conditions.
Manufacturers of sweaters, suits, heaters, mugs and the likes do not usually experience idea shortage in this season. Instead, knowing which strategies to choose remains their major problem. They know that whether or not their salesmen increase their persuasion capacity, common sense will teach consumers that spaghetti wears and short body hugs are not winter and harmattan wears. They know that human sartorial needs will be mainly guided by requisite comfort rather than fashion names. They know that the current climatic conditions on the earth is offering a blank cheque to them (and their competitors) right now. But they also know something they cannot change- something that drives them to meet their set objectives this season. They are aware of the change of season that will follow the arrival of the New Year. So, they have to prepare for the oncoming tougher times, when nature’s prejudice will bring them lesser favour- a time when their consumers will go totally stylish again.
By next year, a lot of things will change globally. The world, for instance, will get greener. Maybe 2011’s Santa Claus will wear green robes tucked into green trousers, green belts, green socks and green boots. Guess what? He might just ride on a green Porsche Chariot, so start getting your kids prepared for the psychology! In accordance, I’d suggest that all Nigerian Father Christmas clowns that claim to come from (or were deported from) Rome be shopping for green white green materials. Next year is the big year for “anti-magarism” as more anti-cybercrime initiatives are already being incubated. It should be a year when Magas (duped persons) will not pay so much. So, if you have a Maga around you, tell them they are enjoying their last earnings! There’ll be a lot more seizures of yahoo merchants in 2011! All internet fraudsters will face more criticisms and punishments at a global level. It will be a war against negative creativity. We will fight it with everything we have.
Secondly, because my tea is growing cold, let me briefly say that next year, more heroes will be found in our country. To many, Mr. Lamido Sanusi is a hero. If not for exposing the underground crimes of some bank chiefs and saving many I-would-have-committed-suicide customers from irreparable financial crisis, then it would be because he dared a group of people who possess the power to dismiss him from his prime CBN job. Simply put, he advised the almighty mobocratic national assembly to reduce their salaries. Truth be told, these fortunate citizen-elected lawmakers are prompt to rebuke their critics. And just as we expected, they caballed and asked to have the Chief servant of our Central Bank before them for panel questioning. Personally, I respect their sacrificial lives and appreciate their willingness to make and amend our laws for the good of all. But I do not approve of how they compensate themselves. If you live sacrificial lives that attract overcompensation, as revealed in how much we hear you fixed as your remuneration, then your sacrifice has been hyper-sugarcoated. Now, tell us why every Nigerian should not want to vie for the positions you occupy, if such offices offer the legalised opportunity to become a rich government worker. But before I wander off the subject, let’s return to our hero list.
Prof Dora Akunyili, the iron lady, did well at a particular point in timeline. When she stepped aside from the league of Yar-Adua-is-in-perfect-health citizens, Nigeria raised an eyebrow. She verbally confirmed that as the then Minister for Information and Communication, knowledge of the president’s whereabouts had not reached her. Of course, we all suspected that Mr Musa Yar Adua was really leading us from the confines of a hospital bed but no singular government icon could articulate it. Many were afraid to say anything. And those that spoke either said something like, “Yes, I shook hands with him. He’s doing fine and recovering gradually.” Someone else, exaggerating his sorry level of acumen said, “I saw him wearing guinea brocade. He even fetched water with a bucket from a well.” Guess what? I nodded and said in agreement, “we are fools that can be spoon-fed with fables told by the fireside aren’t we? And you, you must be the leading fool too, for handshaking a sick man, wearing him a fabric and watching him fetch water from a Saudi Arabian well while in comma.” I didn’t say much anyway. But, I said more than those who didn’t say anything.

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These ideas were written by: James Lisandro Jnr.

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