Friday, 12 April 2013

Sex in the City of Excellence


After gisting me with the unsolicited highlights of the escapades performed during his former life, Eddy* said to me, “So, how many times have you had it?” I looked at him as though he was not serious. He was intelligent enough to guess my unmentioned answer. He probably knew his question was unworthy of an answer.

Eddy was my senior colleague at a point in my employment history. I was a university student on industrial training at that time but I had been privileged to mark his job aptitude test during the recruitment phase. He was supposed to be my supervisor but I was the first employee the MD recruited. So, he was inclined to treating me like an equal. The company structure also encouraged it. It was a small fledgling company where each worker had direct access to the MD. Eddy and I shared the same office space and solved official tasks with each other’s help. So, he was more like an office buddy.
Perhaps, Eddy wanted to prove to me that he was once a distinguished bad boy. Or, he wanted to express why the things the Oga on Top did in the office on weekends were below his own rank. I cannot really say why.  But I know he thought I’d be impressed with his record of sexual adventures. Unfortunately, I had read about King Solomon the wise. I knew he had at least 1000 women to himself in his lifetime. I felt no guy in my generation should want to break that record of vanity. If one did, he’d be so dead, Fela would be sending him hot condolence messages telepathically. When I did not respond to the question Eddy alias Mr I-have-lost-count-of-the-number-of-times-I-have-had-sex-with-women barked, “Ah! You don’t mean it. Don’t tell me you have never had it before! Ehn? So, what are we going to do about it now?”

At that point, I felt I had heard enough and spoke up, “Yes, I have never had it and there is nothing to be done about it. As a matter of fact, I don’t feel like I am half as human as you are. In fact, I think I feel more compact. I once considered it as a teenager. But later on, I changed my mind and I do not intend to revert it. Really, I think anyone who would try to make me do it is a devil.” He was really shocked and couldn’t hide its degree. But more than him, I was overtly appalled. He was shocked that I had entered my twenties as what he referred to as “a virgin”. I was shocked that he was shocked at such reality. When he asked me what we were going to do about it. I was pleased to disappoint him again. Since he was a born-again Christian attending a prayerful church I told him he needed to accept the real version of Christ. The one he had installed in his heart was not genuine. “By the way, where did you say you got that version of salvation from again? Hey, let’s just place a call to the heavenly Microsoft crew. You either need a repair or reinstallation bro.” I jokingly said before walking out to renew my mind.

Photo credits:
It’s true that I haven’t had sex before; and honestly, it is not a big deal! At least, it does not affect the price of crayfish at Bodija market. I mean, the fact that I haven’t had sex before is no reason why anyone should raise their eyebrows or form a chuckle. That decision is like one of these things: not driving any car until you get to buy your own car, not keeping a garden until you get to own a house or not buying paracetamol tablets until the hour you have a serious headache. Relative to the eventual act of sex, the decision to have or not have sex bears more weight. If the act comes after the decision, then it may a big deal to those judging you. I think that as a young unmarried person, more energy and focus would be saved if sex were avoided until the right time. Whether or not you’re a virgin, I think you should make a commitment to remaining the way you are until you are really married.

Again, maybe people need to be reminded that the decision to have or not have sex is personal. Whichever way, you know the forces acting on you. Let each man abide in his present state. Virginity is valued morally but it bears no value in heaven. Needless to say, when you are a virgin, you save yourself from many sorrows. Yet, there is no condemnation for those who have lost their virginity. If you are not one, you should not be crucified by others who claim to be; neither should you try to be an Eddy unto those who are “virgins”.

*Eddy is not the real name of that my former colleague.